pg 20

September 5th, 2013, 4:09 pm

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Author's Comments:

Reply Theorah, September 5th, 2013, 4:13 pm

Say hello to Archie, he is stupendously tall. And why is he the sole reason I decided to use narration to begin with? Because almost nothing that comes out of his mouth actually expresses what he's feeling, let alone his body language/facial features haha. But you'll see that as the comic goes on I guess :3

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Reply Theorah, September 12th, 2013, 5:19 pm

Thanks so much for your comments guys! :)

@AmiC XD hehe same here, I'm not sure if its a good or bad thing :P Thank you! ^^

@zloi medved Don't worry, art crit isnt rude at all! You make some valid and thorough points, after all. We discussed this, and decided it would be best to get some more opinions on the issue of it being confusing and frantic in pacing- this is definitely something I'll change if other readers have had the same difficulty. I won't be stopping narration though. I've actually never used narration in any of my other comics before, as I generally consider comics to be a visual medium- so I like to make the most of the potential of the art form and not be 'lazy' in relying on monologue. I usually go for subtlety in body language etc. And consequently I did think long and hard before deciding to do narration in this comic. There are several reasons that it's important, and oddly none of them are to do with switching between POV of characters! Its mainly due to the themes of the comic- its about the nature psychology and therapy, and how we contrast in who we appear to be vs what we are thinking. Also one of the characters has Aspergers Syndrome, and consequently the story will be exploring themes where he experiences the frustration of feeling emotions that everyone feels, but having people see something quite opposite on the outside. Without giving too much away, inner thoughts vs what is shown outside will be very important in expressing Devin and Jameson's particular illnesses too. Hence, I introduced this theme right away, with both Devin and Tamara kinda lying to each other already haha. Anyway, ramble aside! XD I will be sticking to narration for these very important reasons, but I hope I can find a way to make it less confusing to yourself and other readers. I will think more about placement of boxes, and maybe stick to one person's narration per page, we'll see what we can do to make it more clear for readers =3

@3o-s-knight thnx for the input as always!

@cebap thank you, all the work of Fiafreckles! :D I'm awful at colouring myself XDD

User's Comments:

Reply AmiC (Guest), September 6th, 2013, 4:54 am

Sounds like a tall version of me... ^ ^; There's more going on in my head than ever comes out of my mouth...
Love the first panel here. Works great in colour too...that must've been tough to get right.

Reply zloi medved, September 8th, 2013, 6:28 am

i decided to save commenting on this until i'd read through all your pages so far, so it is fortuitous that you mention the use of narration.

i'm sorry if this is rude, but i wouldn't actually recommend continuing these internal monologues. i know that this is converted from a roleplay, so you're bound to skip around characters, but it's not such a great idea for comics. if there really is stuff you don't think you can convey without the internal narration, it might be better to set it up to be from a different character's POV each "chapter", or however you plan to pace this, and stick with them.

jumping around from character to character in the narrations is pretty confusing. even with the colour coding, when you first made the jump from tamara to devin, i had no idea. there are even times you'll switch POV within the same page (like this one). you're also only twenty pages in and have made several POV jumps with the narration. it feels frantic and confusing, and not in the good, intentional way. it also doesn't really help build up a satisfying flow.

you're better off sticking to the show-don't-tell golden rule. a lot of the stuff here that has been narrated could have just as easily been conveyed another way.

i feel super awks saying this, as you both seem to be fairly experienced comickers, and i could seem condescending saying this stuff to you. i don't mean to be. but as a reader, i found it confusing and aggravating to be constantly jumping from character to character.

Reply 3o-s-knight, September 9th, 2013, 9:53 am

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I disagree with Zloi about internal monologues, i personally think it's contextual, and cometimes it's good in comics and sometimes it isn't.

personally i was not confused by the colour coding/narration, tho i can see why people would be-

however i'm not sure if this comic would work from different ppl's POVs each chapter! it seems to me the point of the narration in this story is to show interaction between characters, and more importantly the phsycology, hence why people are saying one thing but doing another

I agree that there is no need ofr narration if the body language is doing all the talking - but i imagine and several times in the comic ppl have said/shown one thing and thought another..! anyway that's just my opinion on an interesting subject! good points made =]

Reply cebap, September 10th, 2013, 2:10 pm

I love the sort of watercolor-y pastel backgrounds here. :3

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